My 350 ft3 of torment

I will be the first to admit that I am a cranky, judgemental person - especially with my immune system gone haywire and a sudden, complete drop-off of training, however, the topic and content of this blog is true.

For the most part i do not like my coworkers, at least, my immediate coworkers. I've never met such a sorry group of individuals who are obnoxiously loud, and lack any sense of couth, style, and common sense. These unpleasantly-plump introverts live from scone to muffin to happy-hour and do so while completely disregarding the people among whom they work for hours every day. I hear conversations about food, about delinquent children who have "bad days at school", about back pain, rounds of medication, new medications and how some medications don't work very well. On good days one of my neighbors hums along with the music, on bad days she moans and sighs with unfathomable volume and longevity, as if the heartbreak and sorrow of the world is literally cascading out of her enlarged jowls.

The Call 10:07am - any day of the week
[Coworker] Hello?
[Phone] (can't be heard - unfortunately, i'm sure THIS would be very entertaining)
[Coworker] Honey, we talked about this, today is a short day and you were in such a good
mood this morning, remember to just hang in there until 1.....
[Coworker] What?
[Coworker] I can't understand you when you're yelling honey, please calm down, okay?
Breathe and calm down...
[Coworker] Honey, just calm down now, please
[Coworker] Okay, i'll talk to Mr. Jackson and see if we can get you into "reading time" sooner
today, will that help?
[Coworker] (son's name), calm down now, use your words, please.... your screaming doesn't help
anything and mommy has work to do, okay, so....
[Coworker] Yes, i know i didn't answer my phone when you called before, mommy was in a
meeting, no darling, i couldn't answer it, i'm sorry you're having a bad day.
[Coworker] Okay, I'll call Darlene and see if she can pick you up. Make sure to take some
time when you get home and just relax, maybe have a snack and watch some
TV? I'll make sure everyone else tries to leave you alone, okay?
[Coworker] I love you honey, okay, i'll see you tonight.
[Coworker] No, you have to wait for Darlene to get to school, you'll have to go back to class
just for a few minutes - you can do it, okay?
[Coworker] I love you, bye honey, i love you


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I'm not kidding, every goddamn day, this is my life at work. Please make it stop.

The Salvation
Well, aside from the paycheck, i do have the great opportunity (though not long-lasting) to work with a great friend of mine, Jay and our manager. If it weren't for these two guys I'm sure i would either have left by now, or would be the first confirmed death by "snorting thumbtacks" - either leading to a complete nasal blockage, or severe brain penetration, whichever makes everything go dark, warm and quiet works for me. Perhaps i should just look into other employment - hey, there's an idea.